You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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