He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
