I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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