Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
