the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
