Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize