I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize