just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
