I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
