So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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