Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
