Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
