Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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