I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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