Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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