she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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