He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
