Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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