He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
