My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
