Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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