I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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