My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
