you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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