And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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