dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
