i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
