During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
