it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
