I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
