I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
