ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
