the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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