Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
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So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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