Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
