....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
