She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
