And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its not stalking. its research.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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