haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
