Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
