Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
