the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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