i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
