Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
