She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
