I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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