btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
