i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
