He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He has the fingertips of a God
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