I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
