They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
