That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
