Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
