I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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