I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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