If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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