tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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