I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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