I think I died a long time ago.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
