he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
