Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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