Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
