Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
