I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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