Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
