the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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