its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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