That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
