So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
one might say we're banned from that church
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he puts the penis in happiness.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
