So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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