guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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