he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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