I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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