Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner