Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
