So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go