This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We were destined to go to rehab together
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?