I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER