don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.