I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
