I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
