Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
