Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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